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What Am I Doing?

I hung up the phone

His little voice still ringing in my ear

“I love you, Dad.”

And I want to scream

Why am I here?

What am I doing?

I found the VCR tape today

Of when he and I went to the canal

To see all the tadpoles

And baby frogs

Just two years ago

Just miles away

But now

1400 miles

Damnit!

What am I doing?

I am stuck

But I have to get unstuck

Somehow

I miss that little boy smell

Those little boy hugs

That wonderful grin

What am I doing here?

I need to go home

And I don’t even know

Where home might be

But it’s not here

It has to be

Somewhere closer

To that boy

What am I doing?

Go home

Go home

MFM

08/22/02

7:13 PM

Delray Beach, FL

Just after hanging up the

Phone from talking with

Jeffrey