Jesus is Coming…Look Busy

Jesus saves, Gretzky steals, he scores!

REAL Musicians have day jobs

D.A.R.E. – Drug are real expensive

Dr. Kevorkian, please report to the Oval Office

Gun Control Makes My Finger Itch

I’ll have one brain on drugs… with bacon, toast, and juice.

I did a drot of lugs in college, I hink I thave dain bramage.

PEED SKILLS…..uh……KEED SPILLS…….uh…….SKEED PILLS……..uh…..????!!!!!

My kid is an honor student at the state correctional facility

Thank you for not breeding.

Keep honking. I’m reloading!

Nuke the gay unborn baby whales , for Jesus !!

Someone seems to be feeling a little sexually inadequate!!!

Vegetarians eat vegetables, I’m a HUMANitarian!!

My Kid beat up your Honor Roll Kid

If Vince Foster had a gun, he’d be alive today!

My wife’s other car is a broom.

Feed the Hungry, Screw the Horny!


Clinton Sucks! But he doesn’t inhale!

My son is a model prisoner at FCI Butner?

More Americans smoke than voted for Clinton.


Rush Limbaugh is too liberal!

My Other Car is a Piece of Crap, Too!

Illiterate? Write for free help.

Yesterday is a memory. Tomorrow is a dream. Today is a bitch.

My kid sold your honor student crack.

Won’t brake for stupid drivers

Piss off the liberals, work hard, be happy

God, please protect me from your followers.

Don’t steal this car, it’s already stolen.

This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

Back off man! I’m a postal worker!

LAPD – We treat you like a King

Warning: Nothing in this truck is worth your life

First Hilary, then Jennifer, now US!

Anyone who says money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop.

Feed the homeless to the hungry

Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

We’re staying together for the sake of the cats.

It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.

My karma ran over your dogma.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

This is not an abandoned vehicle.

I don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.

Welcome to Texas, now go home.

It’s as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some of your own.

Life’s too short to dance with ugly men.

Life’s too short to dance with ugly women.

My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she’s going to leave me.  Gosh, I’m going to miss her.

When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).

I is a college student.

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.

Beer isn’t just for breakfast any more.

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

Eschew obfuscation.

Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your $#%?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!


You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

Save Your Breath … You’ll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom


All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute.

I need someone really bad…Are you really bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots….I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Out of my mind…Back in five minutes.

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there’s a will…I want to be in it.

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill it.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry….Then things got worse.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids…They will pick out your next home.

Always remember you’re unique…Just like everyone else.

Honk If You Want To See My Finger