Christmas Wish

I am too big for Santa’s lap

But I have a Christmas wish

Just the same

A simple one

For as I think of my little ones

That have grown     

Beyond my sight

To be so big I barely

Recognize them in the pictures

That come

Now and then

Pictures that show they no longer fit the phrase of “little ones”         

I remember the hugs

And the smells as I held them close

With my nose pressed in their hair

Trying to breath them in

Trying to find their very essence

I think of those little voices

That cried with joy

At torn colored paper

And the contents hidden within

I think of others

Now gone

For years that still seem unreal

I remember their hugs, too

And Christmas trees

That in my memory now seem faded

Surrounded by a yellow air

Much like the old pictures

In an album I have lost

But I have lost much more than pictures

Oh, but that is not a place I want to go

Right now

Right now it is about Christmas

For I have been wrapping boxes

Taping with care

Getting ready to mail the gifts

I’ll not see opened

But I can still feel the joy they will bring

I hope

And the love I pray they still feel from me

And for me

Christmas wishes

A few days from Christmas

A time for Christmas wishes

Oh, it would be easy to start

With “I wish” this and “I wish” that

Wishing for different paths

Different choices

But all that would be foolish

For nothing can change that

No, my Christmas wish should be more real

More realistic

Something I can have

But I know it won’t be granted

Any more than the “could have, should have, would have”

That I don’t allow in my thoughts

Too big for Santa’s lap

Too old to believe he could grant my wish

Simple though it might be

For I just want one thing

I just want not to cry

When I think of Christmas

And daughters and a son

Such a simple wish

The only one I want this year

Oh

Too late . . .

MFM

12/18/01

3110 Federal Highway #28

Delray Beach, FL 33428

6:47 P.M.