I Just Couldn’t Hold You Tight Enough*

I Just Couldn’t Hold You Tight Enough*

I just couldn’t hold you tight enough.
Couldn’t wrap my arms around you and squeeze
all those black memories away.
Lord knows I tried.
Tried to keep the light shining in your eyes,
that sweet smile on your lips.
Most of the time, it worked
or at least seemed to do so.
We would dance and you would smile
as we moved about the floor.
You would tease and joke
and make all the world shine.
Well, at least my world and those around you.
We had those happy days
and I know for at least a while,
at least now and then
you escaped from blackness
that shaded your life for so long.
On the happy days, I would believe
maybe we were getting there.
Maybe we had thrown enough dirt
to bury all the pain, all the fears.
Only to wake up the next morning
and find your pillow soaked
from the memories that returned as I slept.
I just couldn’t hold you tight enough.
Couldn’t wrap my arms around you and squeeze
all those black memories away.
I didn’t have the power to stop you
or keep the darkness away.
I couldn’t keep you from making that final decision
that came after again looking too deep into the abyss
but this time until it drew you inside.
Evermore. Evermore.

Michael Mathews
December 15, 2020
Tuesday 7:37 PM
Near where I hear rumors of home
Years, lifetimes, eons since you took your last breath.
(I know it’s been that long for I’ve counted every second)